roots run deep

If you grew up in Oklahoma, this should come as no surprise: when your roots run deep, community and family lines blur. It’s a place where non-blood relations are often counted as aunts and uncles, and older extended cousins may be called aunts and uncles too. It’s a respect thing, deeply ingrained in our culture.

For me, much of my childhood closely mirrors the TV show Reservation Dogs. The show captures the essence of growing up in a tight-knit community where everyone knows everyone else’s business, and family isn’t just defined by blood but by the bonds we form over shared experiences.
As my relationship with David progressed, it was important to me that he meet my family—all of them. Now, when I say all of them, I need to add some perspective. Nearly everyone lives in Northeast or Central Oklahoma, and I come from three very large and boisterous families. These gatherings can be overwhelming even for those who grew up in them, let alone for outsiders.

Family events in Oklahoma are something special. Picture this: a backyard gathering grills ablaze with tables laden with homemade dishes, kids running around playing tag, older folks reminiscing about the good old days, and the constant hum of laughter and conversation. It’s chaotic, it’s loud, and it’s full of love. It’s the kind of environment where you’re just as likely to get a hug from someone you’ve just met but knew your parents or grandparents as kids as you are from someone you’ve known your whole life.

Most of the time, I’m happy to go to these family events alone, knowing David prefers one-on-one interactions. But he consistently makes an effort to be there when I tell him it’s important to me. He understands that these gatherings are a part of who I am, and by extension, a part of our relationship. It’s not always easy for him—walking into a crowd of my loud, opinionated relatives can be daunting. But he does it for me, and that means the world.

By the same token, I try to show up for him when he tells me something is important to him. Whether it’s attending a small gathering with his friends, joining him at a work event, eating dinner early, or simply spending a quiet evening together, I make the effort because I know it’s important to him. It’s about finding that balance and showing up for each other, even when it pushes us out of our comfort zones.

In the end, it’s these efforts and compromises that strengthen our relationship. It’s about understanding where we come from, respecting our backgrounds, and finding ways to merge our lives together. Family, whether by blood or by choice, plays a huge role in that journey. And in Oklahoma, where community and family are often one and the same, those bonds are especially important.